i learnt a new thing today: "Elevator Speech theory".

yl has finally finished his papers in NTU. and soon, he will complete his studies. its always nice to know someone has finally come to a complete end of what he / she has started off.

work hasn't been going well for me. and in the mean time, i'm still trying to find out what i wanna do for my career. i'm terrible...i still do not know what i want. i'm gonna be out of job soon, either voluntarily or involuntarily. i don't gain anything even if i stay through my contract. the project that i'm doing will come to an end soon. once closed, i will have nothing to do at work again. thus, i am required to search out for things to do! heard that if i don't get something to do, big boss will throw rubbish to me and i will be tossed around. but what should i dig for... i have no idea.

its so contradicting. i have always want to be able to get into the current place that i'm working now. and now that i'm in( through a 3rd party contract job), i want to get out of it. chances of me getting a contract with the company direct is a near zero. should i work start to work hard so that i have a chance to secure a contract with the company directly? and maybe by then things will be different? or should i just forget about them? does all things work this way in the working world: "you have to source for things to do, things will not just come to you" ? do i need to keep sourcing for things to be done in order to secure my position? if there is already a need for you, shouldn't it be things will just fall down to you? i'm like an extra baggage now (or at least that is what i feel). things that i have been doing for the past few months isn't tough. i think any one who knows programming can take over what i had done. i feel that i'm not needed in anyway. in work, in life, with people around me. i am not important.

Labels: lyrics

happy birthday sarah...

current mood: depressed
listening to: 說好的幸福呢

this blog is dead...seems like no one comes here anymore. even i the owner, hardly blogs now. on top of it, i hardly go around to read the others.

couple of weeks ago, i came to be aware that a friend of mine had passed away. up till now, i'm still trying to shake off the sadness in me. glad that alan and desche were able to find time to meet up with me for dinner. it was a very last minute plan. day in day out, i'm so busy that i have yet to sit down to sort out my emotions over this matter. with so much things to do, my mind is occupied most of the time. but when i have even a few minutes to spare, emotions will start to overwhelm me. thus being busy is good. it keeps my mind occupied, no time to idle. somehow i have yet to have the full impact of it. am i controlling it? controlling the release of the pain?

i'm lost, stuck, in pain. how long will this last...? i'm sure that i'm not the only one feeling this way. her friends and family too, will be the same. but still....i'm so weak.

my parents will be flying off to tokyo tomorrow. somehow is not a happy thing to me. i feel that i will miss my mom dearly, even though it is just a week. something is wrong with me....